How crunk are you?
I'm a Tom Selleck. Zero being Tipper Gore and max being the Bush twins
U know its gonna be a great day when the guy at the liquor store waves at u cause u walked by
I recorded his drunk dial calls. My personal favorite was the one that began, "grab the bull by the horns and fuck his cock."
oh yeah I'm gonna practice throwing up so I can be ready for Friday night. and Saturday. Beth is back, diaper and all.
Crisis Situation. How do you have that "we probably shouldn't make out tonight cause i've got an oral herpes outbreak coming on" conversation on a third date.
You came out of the bathroom, said "I'M DRUNK BUT I REMEMBERED TO WASH MY HANDS!" and then insisted that she smell them.
You have to come over we all bought drinking hats. Mine has a turtle on it. Side note: somehow someone got their hands on 50 candied apples and we need to eat them...
I heard liver failure is in for 2012 anyways
I tried to sit on a barstool last night...it was an open trashcan.
My puffy vagina and I are on the way to the doctor to see what your mutant penis did to us THANKS A LOT
I know, I know. But we've discussed my friends and appropriate social behaviour, and I'm pretty sure topless karaoke was a no-no.
I got to see a stripper that did magic last night. It was glorious.
The magician guy on probation is here at the bar. I'm gonna get him to show me a trick
Sexting gets boring after a while. I'm eating a sandwich right now and googling 'sexting ideas' and just copy/pasting lines.
It's a good sandwich though.
Quick question. If you break the bathroom sink off the wall from fucking on it, can you claim it on your homeowner's insurance as a 'natural disaster'?
Randomize
