Is it normal that I have to take off my pants to get mouth stitches removed?
walking on gravel proved too much for her barefeet so she traded her bra for some guys sneakers.
I think its a sure sign I need to get laid when every cloud in the sky looks like a penis.
I had fun last night. We should have sex less often.
Chasing a shot of svedka with a clementine is NOT the same as tequila w lime...
Be careful there's warming lubricant on the floor. I will clean and explain later.
So, I was thinking... Since this restraining order doesn't go into affect until monday, that leaves us 5 days to wreck his world.
I will forever be haunted by the image of you hurrying to finish your Jimmy Johns sandwich in the Taco Bell drive thru so you could proceed to order $17 dollars worth of shitty Mexican food.
My left boob kept making random appearances last night.
She proceeded to flip everyone off then open a Heineken with her teeth.
I want a shirt that says, "I'm sorry for the things I said when it was Taco Tuesday"
Unless your apology includes a 20 something with loose morals and a daddy complex, I'm am not interested
You know its a good morning when you wake up with blonde hair extensions in your pocket. . .
If you don't respond in the next 30min, I'm going to assume your in a sex coma, in jail, or dead... All of which I've become accustomed to, and will follow the appropriate channels of notification once you notify me.
roommate singing save a horse ride a cowboy wearing a cowboy hat a bikini and jeans while humping the couch.
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