last night was a success...if success means i don't remember the guy's name and my panties are somewhere in the parking lot behind the bar
I thought spray tan was a myth
?
You know, something that only happens in Jersey
DAMN! I hate it when i drunkenly erase all my "sent message" and wake up in the morning and my inbox is full of "WTF?" and "Huh?" messages.
Sometimes I wish there were a little bird hiding that would periodically go, "creep-per."
Not enough. Tell the person next to you to give you their drink. I give you permission. And then chug it. Be a hero tonight.
rumor has it I kept asking you to go to the "tall grass" with me...sorry about that.
If you're wondering where your left shoe is you lost it in a bet with a homeless guy last night
Walked into my campus store carrying a pitcher of sangria. No fucks given. Also this recipe is banging.
BTW he text me to text him later after the concert to hang out. Im prepping my bed but I should know I shouldn't count my dicks before they hatch
I just wanna suck his dick on my balcony ya know
OH MY GOD MY UBER DRIVER IS PEEING BEHIND A DUMPSTER
Still got in the car though
I don't care. It's wine Wednesday get your gameface on.
It's dangerous to be this horny at work. I'm gonna stain my desk chair
When God closes one door, he opens up a taller, smarter, more successful door, with a bigger cock and nicer teeth.
He had me sit on his face until I begged him to stop, then held me there 5 minutes longer. I rested my head on his chest, told him I needed time to recover....and slept for 6 hours. By the time I woke, he was already at work. I just sent him a countdown times until his shift is over.
Randomize
