as veruca salt said, "i want it now!"
uhh im not your indulgent father, stoned and im in the middle of making tacos. right now, tacos win
We got so high yesterday we tried watching soccer
About to fuck some random fraternity guy I met at a party. I guess this would be the right time to say I don't want to be with you anymore.
This needs to stop. I just vacuumed the wall. Adderall is a double edged sword.
someone needs to make a hangover cure that isn't cocaine.
I hope making "real" money at your "real" job is worth it because you totally missed beer and dorrito mac n cheese tuesday.
she's throwing a head of lettuce everywhere shouting HEADS UP and trying to get us to play catch with her. i'm scared.
Count me out. I seem to have semen induced blindness in one eye.
Somehow he made it really romantic
He came on your tits... That doesn't scream romance to me.
HE ASKED IF I HAD SIBLINGS WHEN I ASKED HIM TO LICK MY ASSHOLE
By chance and just chance did you find a cock ring? By chance
Pretty sure the cop told you that you were the first person he pulled over for being drunk on a tractor. So there's that.
Idk maybe I'll talk to him once he gets out of jail just to yell at him and get my strawberry ice cream back.
I made a White Russian but saw how early it was and decided to substitute it for milk in my lucky charms. This is what it means to be an adult.
And by "sexually intimate," you mean fuck buddies?
Randomize
