I'm going to email her once I get off the bathroom floor
On an unrelated note: I'm also a big advocate of the "never waste a boner" theory.
Brought 2 entire pizzas with to the bar, everyone loves us
He has an intense fear that my cat will attack his balls while we're fucking
I had a great time except for the part where you called another guy, told him you were in a cab - not on a date - and that you'd meet him at a bar in 15 minutes. but besides that it was awesome. Next time capping you at two glasses of wine
Can't decide if I want to watch full house or the fleet wood Mac concert during the presidential debate.
Yep. I'm going to buy a sex toy and a LARP prop on the same trip. Welcome to my life.
YES please come visit. Lets go get belligerent. I won't even pepperspray you
she has that "i will punish you like your mom did" vibe, i think guys like that.
So my roommate just came out of the shower with a dude...guess that answers all questions as to whether or not he's gay
He just felt my tits to find out which piercing I lost.
I think I need to start sobriety testing my Tinder dates.
I called you last night? What did I say??
That you love me forever and that I'm the greatest in the world now mohammed ali is dead...
You realized your blanket was a snuggie, spread your arms, and yelled "tonight I sleep like jesus!"
You just kept telling everyone to call you MFT.. Mother Fucking Tornado.
Randomize
