We all just poured out a sip of our drinks for you. One for our pussy whipped homie.
I just caught my mom fingering herself in the bathroom...Im moving out.
I thought pig tail meant you were suppose to grab on to it when getting BJ
the only thing he could say in english were 'insert coin here' and 'game over'. i love spanish men.
I just bought a vibrating toothbrush with my parents FSA insurance card because I'm too broke for a vibrator. New.Level.Of.Low.
when i was ordering pizza, the guy muffled the phone but i could clearly hear him say "its that drunk bitch again"
trying to imitate man vs food after 12 shots doesnt mean youll get laid
You love him. Dinosaurs. Math. Sex.
After you vomited on the patrol car, you thanked the officer for helping you up off the ground. I don't think you realized you were being arrested.
I mean I drunk but not enough to handle a Scientology convention
Like for real, is your junk ok? I have to look after my investments.
I think i was just meant to be a stripper. A ballerina stripper cat
All I know, is I had green sex and beer and got driven home. That's it.
Gonna be late for work. Sex comes first. Priorities.
Grandma is high again and locked herself in the house
Randomize
