ive had 594 apples! thats 99 apples 6 times! math!
God, you're like boner-b-gone
Party at my house. Beach themed. Clothing optional.
Wouldn't that make it "Nude Beach Themed?"
3 guesses about who had to still-drunkenly facilitate a fire drill at 2:40am because freshmen can't handle microwave popcorn.
I was masturbating in my bed this morning when my ipod alarm went off and it started playing "show me the meaning of being lonely"
Slept in my car last night. It snowed. I peed on the street. Hello 29...
I'm gonna make a therapist very happy and very wealthy this semester.
When we picked him up this morning the cop said that if they actually arrested every drunk American who pissed on cathedral doors, Spain wouldn't have any room for real prisoners.
I know it must have been a hard break up. Are you okay?
Oh yeah, I'm fine dude. My vaginas heart is broken though. I feel bad for her, you should give her a call sometime.
I will turn myself into a beacon of get at me bro
WHY DO I KEEP FINDING CHICKEN THROUGHOUT THE HOUSE? GET YOUR ASS HOME NOW!
Idk you're asking me for advice on dating bro, after I told you I got a convicts number today.
Is it just me or is Michael Jackson blasting throughout the house
The first thing I did when I got to the apartment was masturbate on the couch
Potholders are an underrated garment. Especially naked.
Randomize
