i have accomplished my summer goal of being able to relate to every taylor swift song
thanks for not screaming that I'm pregnant when that guy was giving me his number.
You kept shouting "Relax and take notes" every time before you would hit the blunt
threw up in a bar last night and got laid on an air mattress. my bucket list just got a lot shorter
He cut you off when you said Paula Dean was in your soul...He kicked you out when "Paula" started eating random peoples food
It's not like I ment to feed you the shots of vodka, my hand just kinda slipped.
there COULD be a gas leak in our house... proceeding to smoke with extreme caution...
I woke up at 5:47 in the morning to you peeing on my parents bedroom floor. I think we've established that you have a limit .
I'm like 80% sure we nearly got arrested because we threw fireworks at a car
Hey do you have any hot friends that would settle for less?
The sad part is I didn't even want to get laid. I just wanted the emotional connection, but my vagina was screaming "TOUCH ME. TOUCH ME RIGHT NOW BECAUSE MY DADDY ISSUES ARE MUCH DEEPER THAN MY EMOTIONAL NEEDS!" Vodka has a way of getting me out of my emotions and gets me fucked every time.
I don't want sex or anything I just really need someone to appreciate how shiny my hair is
I slept awesome next to you. You're like an electric blanket that I can have morning sex with.
I'm gonna forget you just shared your personal blowjob aesthetic with me and move on
My dad just informed me that I may be entitled to $1700 worth of stimulus money... looks like that hitachi is coming sooner than later. Let's hope for the best!
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