I just hope my dad was drunk enough to not remember the whole convo we had about anal.
Some guy with no shirt on and his pants undone informed us he was kicked out of the cab
I asked him why, and he had absolutely no idea.
Did you ever get our sex tape out of the rental car before you returned it?
he asked me for a gerbil feeder full of alcohol
Three things I need a picture of: your friend, your bong, and your dick.
You just kept shouting "I AM AN ADULT!" until he agreed to carry you home on his shoulders.
Hahaahaah I keep finding little notes you left me on my physics notes... "TOO HIGH FOR BIRDS"
At our floor meeting the RA was talking about bathroom hygiene and I really wanted to be like "what about shower sex."
Valid question
I swear that when we jog in the morning I can hear it slap between his thighs
You have not lived until you have drunkenly grinded on your mother. Daughter of the year right here.
i dont know whats weirder. that i told him he stabbed me in my dream or that he told me i wasnt the first girl to tell him theyve been killed by him in a dream
she was braiding my hair and singing forever young while she vommed everywhere at the same time. Talent.
You're not drunk til you wake your roommates up screaming at your ceiling fan
I wanted sex but got Ace Ventura: Pet Detective, instead. Then I had to drive 30 minutes home wet. Worst booty call, ever.
She looks like a Midwestern news anchor that got fired so she has done nothing but eat for the past 6 months.
Randomize
