I just gave some chick my debit card to put in the jukebox. She better put out.
For a second, I wondered if I could smoke pizza.
can we get together and have a vodka water gun fight? i need to get som intense excersise/alcohol
Sometimes you gotta say "hey, its been a long semester. Let's puke before 10"
Abort mission; I repeat: Abort mission.I found an attractive one.
My ninety day supply of adderal just came in the mail and I literally just dumped all 180 pills into my hands and laughed like a maniac. Shits about to get cray
Please come over here so I can show off my beard, talk to you about how quantum computing is actually a symptom of interstellar physics, and then put my head under your dress
when a dude sends me an unwanted dick pic I just send him a picture of a nicer one. A more photogenic one. A dick with a future.
Come over. I have beer, your weird ass vegan pizza, and a raging hard on.
Marry me.
I might as well walk around wearing a sandwich board and accept the fact that I'm dying single.
I'm shopping for Mother's Day cards while waiting for my herpes medication. What is life.
You know it was a good night when visa fraud prevention services are calling
I've come to the conclusion, I should prob have at least 20 hr supervision. I would say 24, but I'm guaranteed to pass out for at least 4 hrs a day
I just lived through a real life episode of jersey shore.
See I just want a dick that I don`t have to deal with or talk to unless it is inside me. Is that so much to ask for?
Randomize
