first i yelled "you cant get it up?" and then in the middle of it i opened a Corona
He didn't know it yet but he was about to go down on me.
He just screamed at her, "if you pass out i am still having sex with you!!!" In front of the entire party.
doctor said mango vodka does not count as my daily servings of fruit. damn.
a girl is trying to cook hot pockets in a saute pan on the stove.
Is it physically possible to shit out my own bone marrow? Because if not, then I need to see a doctor immediately.
You should try cooking mac & cheese naked sometime. It's quite relaxing.
Do you think it's safe to mix miralax with a tequila sunrise?
I'm in the fetal position watching the little mermaid and trying not to die. When do you come home?
We hooked up last night. I think it was great for our friendship.
Things that don't wash off in the shower: black eyes and hickies.
How drunk is too drunk to be on an airplane?
Santa tracker drinking game, you in or what?
He asked if I was alright. I said "Yeah, I'm just an incapacitated ball of orgasmic bliss right now."
I think my stomach is breaking up with me. It's giving me back everything I ever gave it.
Randomize
