Culvers...So Good
So good. The butter burgers slip right outta my ass.
Drunk x Brooklyn = problems getting home. If I don't make it you can have my computer and my bitches. You're welcome.
I have a voicemail from Mike at 1am. He starts to say something, but then throws up instead.
Having sex with her was like reading the Wall Street Journal.
that's almost as bad as that time i almost ashed in a baby carriage
You had already cockblocked me. The cops were just an assist.
I can't get away from Pickles they're either stuck in me, in my mouth, or I'm stuck in one. fuck my whole entire life.
There're making snowcones with the leftover vodka from last night. This is not the time to be making up excuses!
You is good. You is important. You is a slut.
I just ordered $70 worth of pizza and I'm not even ashamed. Happy Valentine's Day to me.
Weirdest drunk sex ever. His sweat dripped into my eyeball and then he looked down and asked me why I was crying. I went with it.
Okay first of all, that is a sick ass nickname please call me that forever. Second, i need your help.
Also, do you have any insight as to WHY I have a note saved from the 17th of June that reads *clears throat*, "you got that swanky blues libido"
I'll seduce him with my charm, after all, I am a graceful swan.
More like a demented cow.
Tbh I’m not a vibrator enthusiast
But I am godly
Randomize
