Vomit. Vomit. Whatever. You wear a tiara in public.
we'll go far in life on tits alone.
Can you bring me a pair of sunglasses to the bathroom please... Don't judge me.
Using 'equal to a modern day cock block" in term paper, inappropriate
He's a waiter, looks 15, and told me he loved me after only talking to me for 30 minutes. I told him I wanted a margarita. We got 3 free pitchers. I may have to make this our regular Wednesday night hangout.
Ahhh sometimes you just need a thermos of whiskey in the library
I HOPE YOURE READY TO KICK SOME SERIOUS ASS AT TRIVIA NIGHT TOMORROW NIGHT. also, i hope the birth of your niece goes well. BUT MOSTLY TRIVIA NIGHT.
He left an apology note saying he had to work and that there was coffee, OJ and food on the table with two Excedrin. I left his spare key with the door guard and she said "too bad I don't go for skinny white boys or I'd jump you both!" Best one night stand ever.
Is it bad that I feel proud to be the first one to puke in the apartment? And I did it in style?
You straight up painted the counter with steak, tequila and beer. You owe me a knew toothbrush.
I hooked up with a guy dressed up as morning wood. Needless to say he lived up to his costume.
I just wanna suck his dick on my balcony ya know
THERE ARE SO MANY HOT DADS AT WHOLE FOODS
We were making eye contact while i was throwing up.
Somehow I don't think offering me edibles is what dad meant by checking in on me
They're the hard candy kind!
He sent me a pic of his coffee mug to be like "I'm having coffee too.” \nImagine that. Morning coffee. In your boring ass mug. Dick pic or gtfo.
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