kevin brought a 6ft brunette runway model with him tonight. Now, im not sure what the fuck the color of the " i get it, its over, Im ugly" flag is.... but i'll wave it.
Why is there 6 cases of kwic trip dounuts dumped in my bed? Best 34 dollar wake up of my life
I just did the nutritional comparison between 2% milk and Bud Light Lime.. the beer had less calories, less carbs, and less fat. It's not looking good for milk in my life anymore
Writing a love song to planned parenthood. what rhymes with "don't have AIDS"
That's terrible. At least give it a creative name like muff mobile.
You tried to get me to kick my booty call out at 3am by tempting me with a trip to ihop
God she is annoying. I am only keeping her around on fb because I want to see if her baby comes out looking like an alien or not.
We had 15 min before last call. Exact quote "let's see how drunk we can get."
I just find it funny that nobody ever threatens to call the cops on us until we have a Harry Potter party
Lmfao I'm not trying to have a pissing contest over acid with my mom.....
Overheard-"sex" and "giblet gravy" in the same sentence. Best thanksgiving ever.
Her mom came in and passed out drunk on the floor next to us while she was riding me, "it's all good, she does this all the time" is what she said
I have a txt file I don't remember making open on my desktop. All it says is "what it's like to be a bat"
UPS just delivered me 30lbs of dried cherries... I shouldn't be allowed online when I take painkillers.
I literally am filling up a victoria's secret bag with stuff that would give my parents a heart attack to hide in my roommates' room. This is being an adult when parents visit
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