we left the bar for like 10 minutes last night and moved his car so it wouldnt get towed. neither of us have a clue where it is right now.
I feel like I'm taking part in a surprise porno. At least my hair looked good.
Found your pants. They were stuffed in the tank of the toilet.
You went down on Rachel in front me last night. Worst. Brother. Ever.
Because i love you. And people show love by not letting their friends shit themselves.
Something about Sunday night screams phone sex
Security has videotape of her blowing the boss against his car. Don't they know he entire parking lot is under video surveillance?
Nothing says "forever alone" like receiving a friendship bracelet from your parents.
He called my boobs fluffy. Part sexy part pilsbury dough boy. Part sexy pilsbury dough boy. I'm so confused. And flattered?
id like to think im the only pot dealing prostitute that is also an ordained minister. but maybe not. what a time to be alive
Burritos, beer, and hot tub sex. Merry Christmas to me.
Showed up to the airport to find my fuck buddy is on the same flight. Do you think he'd be intertested in the mile high club?
I can't hangout tonight, I have a phone sex appointment at 10
I LACK THE NECESSARY BRAIN FUNCTIONS TO BE ABLE TO PROPERLY RESPOND TO THAT
They already have a joint checking account. She's got his balls in her purse! What's next, a shared Facebook account?
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