I just showed my tits to my brother on chatroulette. Could my life get any worse?
I just saw a kid drop his lollipop on the floor of best buy, kick it because he was pissed off and then pick it up and eat it. I think I have a long lost son.
She told me she needed to clarify that we are not fuck buddies, we are best friends that have sex once in a while
they bet me shots that I couldn't give people piggyback rides around the club just cause I'm 125lbs and a girl...I had a line forming after the third guy.
I brought his matress to the living room we're laying on it listening to rick james drinking vodka
Her vagina smelt so bad I lied and told her that I was married just so that she would leave.
How could I forget your birthday? I have an alarm in my phone to ask you for sex that day.
I don't know. I was hiding and the bed was banging. I am going to sleep now in someone's car.
ARE YOU THINKING VAGINA THEMED RESTAURANT
I didn't even have pants on and you think I had an agenda
If it snows I'm making an igloo and getting wasted in it
See and now you're talking. I am like the fairy godmother of hook ups.
Don't do tequila. The Devil himself spits into shot glasses and we call it tequila. You will do bad things.
Tell me I'm drunk and you have to come get me. It's usually true. They'll believe you.
just realized I'll be in a check out line with just Hershey syrup and condoms. I don't know if I am setting a good image for our generation
Randomize
