im typing and i feel like my hands are on backwards.
Stop texting me, I'm right here.
I'm glad you talked me out of that flying penis tattoo.
my roommate's gf just broke up with him and hes in his room crying and listening to coldplay while beating off to pictures of her...
i called my brother from the living room and paid him a dollar to turn off the light in my room. ive hit rock bottom
Hooking up with him would mean my type has officially become... drug dealer.
I need input, can I pre-game my cat scan?
Another Sunday, another 100 chicken nuggets
So fucking hammered. Is this all spelled right? I'm holding it up to my eye. I am on a boulder. I feel like an owl
Oh my god. I slept with my boyfriend last night. It was wonderful.
And when I say my boyfriend I mean my electric blanket. Because that's the kind of life I lead.
Right, try not to commit a felony that costs more than 4 dollars cause that's all I have in my bail jar.
Just shaved my crotch so I could call it the bald eagle. Happy 4th.
I have alotted at least an hour for ugly crying.
Bad news man, we're gonna have to reschedule Golden Coral: The Musical
I don't know who the fuck this is, but right on man
I drank beer out of a Frisbee and it was all downhill from there...
I would accept a super bowl ring as an engagement ring
Randomize
