I wish I could be a nicer person. Or a more sober one.
so he expects you to be his vegas whore for the season. nice.
IM SAVING ALL MY LOVE FOR YOU
I don't want it.
I just threw up in my hands while sitting on the toilet
How's work?
Spinning.
the only compliment i could think of for this chick was that she looked 'moderately attractive'
Those foam number one hands, are the BEST socks.
It is scary how often "just flash him" is your advice.
No I'm done finals, but I'm not coming home until these hickeys are gone.
What part of I'm done do you not understand? Im not going to send you sex photos to prove I've moved on..
Can you think of a sexual word rhyming with snorkel?
Holy Hangover.. I'm marrying whoever put this water by my bed
Can I trade you chipotle for a pregnancy test?
Sex in a hot air balloon, top that one!
it was a 'fall asleep on the bathroom floor after puking bc the cold tile is legit more comfortable than your bed' kind of night.
Randomize
