literally the only thing you kept saying was "i wish i had a beer keg vending machine that accepted hugs as payment" and everytime you said it you rubbed the urn her grandmother's remains were in
There is a limo involved. Man up, and make yourself puke. Its only one more night of blacking out.
I guess I realized I had a problem when I ordered 4 shots and told the bar wench to pour them all into 1 glass
the most romantic thing he could do for me right now would be to throw himself into traffic
Seriously you have a sixth sense. You woke up out of a nap to tell us all to check the clock and it was 4:18. You're like the spiderman of smoking weed.
How was my weekend? I just blew my nose and a gram of coke fell out. My weekend was fantastic.
We're going to work out tomorrow I guess but it usually consists of doing weights for 10 minutes, then saying fuck cardio and going to Taco Tuesday
No dude, he just dipped his cigarette info ranch dressing and lit it. He's said he normally doesn't do that but it's Memorial Day.
I fucking love your mom. She's so drunk and fully functional. I aspire to be her one day.
So I had sex with a hook nosed, lisping masadonian last night.
Glad that degree in literature is paying off. Nice adjectives. Maybe set the bar a little higher though?
Well to me, someone is not really my friend until we go to a mcdonalds drunk at 4am. It's like a right of passage
grandma made pot brownies .. oh god bless us everyone
He says it takes a lot to subdue the urge to just bury his face in my vagina. Of course, I have absolutely no problem with this.
I'm a lady who knows what she wants in life, and that's uncommitted dick.
So my furniture is upside-down, two lamps are glued to the ceiling, and there is a kitten sleeping on Kyle's face. Please tell me what happened last night....
Randomize
