I GPSed you we're an hour and 14min away from each other
and it's going to stay that way
she sucked my dick to get the taste of the last guy's out. I need to find a new friend with benefits.
After much deliberation I've decided to name my penis "Arthur", hope your mom's surgery goes well.
Dude this stripper just dry humped the settings off my phone. She earned that dollar
FYI If I die in my sleep it is because I drank a bottle of coke from 1986. I needed a mixer
I am just pathetic enough to be sitting on the couch with my cat drinking absinthe and vodka watching moulin rouge. Hello, tuesday night.
Try to make ecstasy cheese. Capitalize on the molly and greek yogurt trends. MARKETING
Apparently "I have the beer shits" isn't the excuse my boss wanted to hear. So sue me
I may have just made our entire microwave glow green. Like big green. Like spark and make me shit green.
Like worse than the time I blew up the microwave with the egg green.
Remember the bouncer that knocked out Dave and Sam? Apparently his day job is a florist. Uppercut and fresh cut in one package.
It was all fun and games until he noticed the hickey that he hadn't given me...
My fuck buddy just proposed... Correct me if I'm wrong, but doesn't that completely defeat the purpose of FRIENDS with benefits?
Now you can be friends with Insurance Benefits.
I peed in front of kids, unfortunately
Well I've decided to refuse to conform to society and be naked the rest of the day.
i fucked his best friend. once right next door to him. i'm pretty sure that could be called sweet revenge.
Randomize
