I just realized that this morning is the first morning i've put on underwear in a week.
I love summer.
Note to self: soco dudes get amusinly uncomfotable when I moan at the urinal.
Does it count as a shower if I just sat in the tub singing I'm a Little Teapot?
Sleepwalking naked until I was 12 made it so much easier to get away with drinking at moms now.
I have a question, if it paid really well, like ridiculously well, would you be a restaraunts under the table resident blowjob girl?
If I don't wake up hungover in a ditch Monday morning I will consider my halloween a failure
Using a Nedi Pot after doing lines... at least I'm a health conscious drug user?
She was kind of put off because I kept calling her baby my spirit animal and staring hungrily at her breasts.
If you spent as much time trying to get laid as you do masturbating you would surpass all of us.
I just found that video of you jumping onto my exercise ball feet-first and face-planting into my shoe rack.
Welcome to a new world. May the gods of weed smile upon you as you embark on exploring this new dimension.
Nothing kills the mood like him going to slap my ass and he hits his balls at the same time
How I know we're old. Don knows the owner. The owner said 'How about some shots?' We said no thanks. He looked puzzled and came back later and said 'You know it's on the house?' We said 'Yeah, no thanks.'
I am googling "notable people who had syphilis"
To describe how high he was he said, " I'm cocked out of my ape sandwich" so yes...that was some pretty good weed.
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