dude, despite what happened last night, I'm not gay
So not only just find my adoption papers that I didnt know about in my parents house, but they say "child shows some signs of mental retardation".
no i brought the cat to the bar. I got a weird look when I walked in but now everyone loves her.
Nah I'm perfectly content solely banging the married bartender once a week.
That's practically a relationship for you
Get here, there are important joints to be smoked and pies to be eaten
Forgot my sound was off and didnt even realize it until halfway through because I thought I could hear it. I think high me just narrated half a clip of adventure time
I feel like saying your blowjobs are worth a burrito is not the best strategy to get him to be more giving in bed.
& he told me that I give the best head ever.. like can I get that on a medal?
roommate singing save a horse ride a cowboy wearing a cowboy hat a bikini and jeans while humping the couch.
You cuddled up under the blanket because you said it smelled like Santa and vodka.
I'm assuming you were here at some stage because I woke up alone, clean and in a towel with mum asking my why my shoes, dress and jewellery were in the bottom of the shower.
Hope you’re getting action boo.
Definitely no. I woke up next to a bag of McDonald's.
Some Romanian guy at work just told me "you come my house, we drink beer and you come make fuck with my sister"
If he's not there watching you go for it. It's been a while bro.
Drinks have officially taken priority over self-respect, and I'm not even all that torn up about it.
I dont think the chain smoking, tequila shots or cocaine was good for my bronchitis.
Randomize
