Just dunked an oreo in a white russian. Trying to think of a better experience in my life and failing.
Just checked an empty cooler on the flight to Notre Dame. You don't have to tell me you're jealous, I already know.
he's measuring my pool to see how much jello powder he needs. He got paid today.
Wackin it to the USA womens soccer team. My own personal way of saying job well done.
Your never gonna wash that desperation outta that sweatshirt you know.
The ice cream man just told me to use protection.
is it cool if i crash at ur house this weekend again bro
yea dude but i wld bring a sleeping bag or something just in case. or u may just have to shack up with a woman or 2 cuz we hav 10 girls visiting/staying over at my house.
how did u manage to make sleeping with a bunch of girls sound like an inconvenience?
He never broke character while fucking me on the neighbor's lawn. I give him a 10 for his dedication to the British accent.
BTW he text me to text him later after the concert to hang out. Im prepping my bed but I should know I shouldn't count my dicks before they hatch
He's easy on the eyes, light on his feet, and rough in bed...what more could a girl ask for in a rebound?
Who the fuck gets injured on a merry-go-round? HOW IS IT POSSIBLE??
Well I may have gotten laid but I over drafted buying pizza so I think that negates everything
Do exhausted, barely concealed hand jobs count as joining the mile high club?
Your "whiskey dick" is glorious but also terrifying
All I recall is being at the strip club doing dark rum shots and then puking a question mark on the wall above the garbage can in the men's room and having diarrhea in the sink. 6th drunkest I've ever been without blacking out.
Randomize
