the star wars geek is hitting on me, and is talking about his lightsaber. need back up NOW
they're mlb prospects.. of course i'm gonna bang one of them.
Just had a stripper snatch my glasses off my face with her ass
He just ordered a bottle of Beam at an Italian place for us to share.
The guy in the next stall screamed courtesy flush and then puked. Bless you Vegas
I'm sorry I kept calling you a pussy... but to be fair, you were being a pussy.
I consider it a good night. I met Jimmy Buffet, who grabbed my ass, and I body-checked a toddler. She had it coming.
I have a vague memory of you tryin to ride a unicycle through jimmy johns
We should give each other good-luck-on-your-finals head in the morning.
You went in the back with her.. And honestly I couldn't tell her neck from her tits man..
I woke up hugging a box of cheerios that had "wonder woman" written in sharpie on it. So much for a sober night.
you made a mix containing mostly whiskey. then you took a sip, gagged and yelled "perfect!"
She asked if she should pack the condoms, I told her I plan on drinking so much that it won't be possible.
Unless it involves a lot of whiskey, an ACDC concert, and a guy named Juan from the Philippines, then I'm not interested.
"keg stand!" on a roof abruptly turned into "call the medics"
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