So I'm playing pool in my cowboy boots and some guy came up looks at my boots and goes, "you should've got the boots with the fur"
I remember having a drink with vegetables in it. They said it was a mojito, but it tasted like cabbage.
haha i love mojitos
ya and i hate cabbage
There needs to be a newsfeed for phones... A list of all my drunken calls, texts, BBMs, new contacts, pictures sent AND received, all in chronological order.
I bruise way too easily for the kind of rough sex I want...
So after tequila Thursday, Jess broke her arm table dancing. Now her and Andrew look like the perfect drunk couple, matching casts and all.
She passed out on top of the bar. Still did body shots off her.
friends don't put videos of other friends on youtube puking on their professor on the first day
Take off that red sweater and wear my vagina as a facemask.
I just saw a herd of slutty loofahs run down the street...
Just face planted the stairs. Apparently Santa brought an extra step while I was at the bar... Fucking dick
I'm pretty sure your ex of four years just had a baby with some kid and named it after you...
I think Jabba the Hut is dying in the stall next to me.
She's got Mike in the bathroom. He's covered in meat.
This is the best thing we've done since that time we started a religion
I just do things that aren't classy the classy way.
Randomize
