when a girl says 'did you just try to kiss me' you should leave the bar. trust me.
I hate fucking guys that don't drink coffee. My morning hangover and shame will not be cured by your stupid tea.
i'll never see her again. i cant remember her last name. this is like cinderella except prince charming drank too much jameson and couldnt save a phone number properly
MIND BOGGLER: batman and jesus are the same person. Think about it.
yup, got lost on my way to the final. maybe i should have gone to this class all semester
Pretty sure that Albanian broad gave me something last night. Now we play the waiting game.
you read me verses from the beginners bible until my answering machine finally ran out of time and cut you off.
You know why I moved here? No public intoxication law. A cop just helped me from my bent over vomit pose, asked if I was ok, and gave me a ride home.
There is a good chance that the other night after a wedding reception i was at that i mailed you a drink coaster.
She kept sniffing my sweater and tried to guess what type of detergent I use.
Going to a professional golf course at 2am to throw the flag poles like javelins
Yeah, but he has adorable dimples and dimples talk me into things.
Hold your horses dude. Titty pics are a work of art.
Haha, how do I word that nicely? "You got me to the edge of no return twice and failed to let me orgasm, therefore you owe me chicken nuggets or hot wings. Your decision"
Like you can't just be like oh bb and THEN SEND ME A FUCKING PICTURE OF MY 8TH GRADE FAT SELF IN A TACO COSTUME
Randomize
