He is such a gentleman, he paid for my plan b
Did you know nanny-cams work just as well for recording that blow job on the sofa?
I just mistook a monk for someone with the newest colored snuggie.
Drinking at work by myself... My boss just walked into me copying my face on the copy machine..
Did we fight the bathroom girl ? She just wanted to give us lotion and condoms.
Did i mention i'm like the equivilent of a prepubescent boy suffering from preejaculacy? I just about creamed my pants when he grabbed my hand..
Withdrawals are gods way of saying "you're still my bitch"
look in the field by the highway and see if there is a high heel there. Or some Taco Bell bags.
eating on the run again ?
Just bought weed from the ice cream man. The kid in front of me got a tootie fruitie.
I don't care what you say, the fact that he's a drag queen with the same shoe size as me is reason enough to date him
Just wanted to let you know it's 3am and, at this point, I believe your sister has more of my semen in her than I do. So suck on that, fuckface.
Also, I called my liver hardcore in front of vet students last night and then wound up having three of them trying to palpate it. So...not saying that again.
I have never fucking hated the horrible sound of dozens of off-key recorders BLARING their fucked rendition of "Fais Do-Do" in unison against the screams of an adult male... more than I do now. This is why people avoid teaching. Kill me. End it all.
why did you put a dildo on the ceiling fan
the dildo had a suction cup and we had a ceiling fan what did you expect?
I woke up this morning to pee and six dollar bills fell out of my underwear. I guess that lap dance just bought me lunch.
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