You're a womanizer and a bitch.
he's super hid and wouldn't leave us alone so i snatched his phone and started texting lovelink (thanks for a well-timed commercial) that will cost him money. muhahaha
i was just texting to let you know that my facebook chat is working again so you can talk to me more. please talk to me more.
We had sex after spending two hours in the drunk tank. It was really deep and meaningful
How did the whale quest end up? I saw u hit a little snag when the first one heard you call her that.
There is a 15" subwoofer mounted inside our fridge. I've never been more proud of myself.
Then he said something about how from that angle I looked just like his mom.
He did plead exhaustion. And I made him push through it. I am like the motherfucking badass football coach of sex.
Im having a christmas reunion party tonight. Last year i ate my own contact. We'll see how this year goes
He's an acquired taste, like S&M or those crunchy things they put in salads
Croutons?
He sat on me and said I owed him $10, when I asked why he just said "lap dance"
These last 48 hours have just been about deleting my most recent snap story
But like it was sooo bad! At one point he tried to flip me over and he fell off the bed
But being sober is boring. Everything takes so long, I feel like I'm just waiting in line to die.
Hey, what's the French word for when you meet your boyfriend's friend and you have that gut feeling that you smoked pot naked in a hot tub with him at a house party years ago?
Randomize
