Do NOT cum in me, on me, or in my bed.
sticking your finger down your throat to make yourself throw up is bulimia, not morning sickness, so no, I don't think you're pregnant.
Is it wrong that I didn't stop masterbating when the credit card company called?
did you answer or finish?
both
new rule: cockblock me if I have had over a fifth of jack. no matter what.
he came on my stomach, took his sock off, wiped it up, put his sock back on along with his shoes and left.
He leaned out the window to puke right as the fan for the ac turned on. All of it blew back up into his face.
Tidal wave of highness just hit. Find shelter and catnip. gloves. zebra striped car washes.
There was an Altoids can full of urine in the bathroom. I do not want to know what was going on in there.
Shit dude that sort of wholesale destruction can't just be done at the drop of a hat
Promise me you will not let me do anything sexual with or to a mini horse no matter how drunk we get. Ever.
You used his ass cheeks to demonstrate how to play the bongos and he still called you the next day. That's true love.
I'm nothing if not determined to sleep with everyone at that company
Woke up with a lip tattoo that says "fake news" in case you're wondering about my wellbeing
wish he had known he had poison ivy on his cock beforehand... Is calamine okay to put on your vag?..
Kay so its 9 am whose dumbass is gunna act sober to buy pizza rolls
Dude you promised
Randomize
