I miss seeing your mom and dad at church, well mostly just your mom... She used to hug my face into her boobs.
It's not normal to lose a tooth eating a McDouble.
we banged on the home plate. i wasnt even aware of the significance of where we were until afterwards hahaha
They called security on the security guard who tried to break up the party in their suite. You tell me how drunk they were.
You know we had a good night last night when today I opened up my Google Translate application and the language is set to Persian and the phrase to translate is "I want you to suck my dick".
I caught them hiding behind a car trying to have sex.
WHAT DID YOU SAW VERBATIM. VERBATIM IS SOBER FOR WORD FOR WORD
Maybe just the first 2 wks of Nov can be dick detox.
I woke up in a tutu and topless. How was your night?
I've been asked to reupholster their slam-couch so I found some off-cuts of medical-grade, hermetically sealed fabric. She'll be slammed upon for generations to come.
Welcome to Missouri, the show me your genitals state.
NOBODY TALKS SHIT ABOUT PANDA EXPRESS
So the next time I search for "Dragon Dildo" on my phone, I should probably clear the browser before handing my phone to someone and that's the first thing they see haha
Staff meetings will be awkward since my boss and I both did the new intern
Maybe she doesn’t know you did him
Oh she definitely knows - it was a threesome
Please tell me you’re not taking life advice from porn scripts again
Is it acceptable to respond to a declaration of love with 'and I love your dick'? Asking for a friend who shares a name and possibly a phone number with me. Entirely coincidental.
Randomize
