What are you doing?
High. Watching Billy Mays infomercials...
That guy could sell me cancer.
she was so hammered she started drinking dishwasher detergent
I dont know whats funnier - that, or that we learned that poison control is closed at 2 AM
Fucked her within an inch of her life. Seriously. Don't choke bitches when they ask. Was way too drunk to be pulling that shit.
Church boner. Awkwardddd
Some fat girl belted her graduation gown. That is not a good look for anyone.
My vagina just recognized that song.
do you have any idea how hard it is to keep a boner while another dude is writing on your dick in sharpie?
for the record, you never really realize how drunk you still are until you get on rollerskates...
Worst decision of artistic career thus far: bringing a banana to eat on male model day.
AND WHAT FELONIES DID I MISS OUT ON WHILE SLUMBERING!?
It was going great until he started saying "ooh kill em" under his breath with each thrust
What is the proper Father's Day protocol when you're sleeping with a guy who has kids?
Am I required to send a Christmas card to my fuck buddy?
I don't know which is weirder: that she was old enough to have a live-in son close to my age, or that the woman he was with was close to hers
What do you mean you haven’t had the fantasy of getting anally penetrated by a tentacle monster?
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