A hot woman with candy. This is what heaven is filled with
he said i was chugging vodka in the parking lot, gave my # to a married man, started a food fight, and passed out at the bar. how could he NOT consider that a good first date???
when i'm not drinking i'm making facebook events about drinking
ok this is the part where i go up stairs and pass out incoherently untill 6 30 tommaorw morning and not rember any of this. love youuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuu!
I just followed a trail of feathers and glitter to class. Today better be fucking magical.
Mystery lines found in a Pyrex dish in the back of my pantry at 415 am. No recall as to it's origin. Unidentifiable taste. Obviously I'm doing them
Just a heads up, i'm sleeping in te back seat of your car so don't be freaked out when you see me in the A.M.
On another note, I feel like my vagina is slowly being peeled off with a rusty potato peeler.
Lets just say...I plan on being a bigger shitshow than Miley Cyrus at the VMA'S
He told me I look like a librarian today. I hope that means he has a librarian fetish or something
Disregard. He says he said I look "agrarian" today and just proceeded to compare me to Mumford and Sons. Fuck it, I'm going home and drinking
Was asked out on a date tonight on Linked In. That creepy genius at apple that touched my butt one time in the back stairwell. I thinks it's fair to say I've hit rock bottom.
Well that's what you get for messing around with her vagina. I told you it was a fickle and insatiable creature.
So stoned that I pressed the unlock button on my car keys to walk into my bedroom...
You wouldn't eat with utensils. You insisted on making your own spoon out of a bendy straw and staples while singing "I'm a survivor" by Destiny's Child.
He brought me a bottle of Jack, got me off 3 times, & then left. This is the best fakelationship ever!
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