I have to have sex with him again. I feel like I need to train him so no other girl experiences that bad of sex.
I cant be sure, but i think ive been drunk in this church before.
He told me the color of his piss. Worst. First date. Ever.
I swear to god little potato creatures live inside Belvedere bottles and claw at your throat as you swallow shots.
I would love a rich wife. Then I would be like a gym teacher or some shit. Bigfoot hunter maybe.
Would you like season tickets to my vagina?
They're playing house music in my dentists office again, wtf is wrong with these people. That's not the music you want to get a root canal to
Everyone is out there getting real jobs and I just realized I've been "washing" my clothes with fabric softener for two months.
He told me we shouldn't hang out because it would be weird and then snap chatted me a picture of his dick
Was so high at one point last night that while showering I was worried that using too much hot water would slow down our Internet.
i should probably stop doing things just because i think they’re funny. i’m not going to.
Oh man. I threw up in the first cab. Got kicked out. Roamed somewhere for awhile. Fell asleep in the back if the second cab. Woke up in my underwear on the living room floor with a frozen pizza (thawed) laying next to me
I got some blow and a hand job from one of the strippers. So I guess I'm getting over the divorce.
Think he has a gf
Yea that shit doesn’t necessarily stop me
Why the fuck is Ian Naked eating string cheese in my guest bedroom?
Randomize
