Rock
Scissors
Fuck
sorry i walked in and ruined it, but i had to laugh she looked like a pile of bologna the way you had her pinned up on the wall
Does boxed wine and camel crushes signify a college date? Lets hope so
she has tattoo'd to her hips "grip here" this is why they made spring break
I just bought a vibrating toothbrush with my parents FSA insurance card because I'm too broke for a vibrator. New.Level.Of.Low.
when does it stop being whiskey dick and start just being me bad in bed?
do you actually have a paper bowl full of broken glass and ecstasy or was that just a dream?
Her mom offered to give me a lap dance. I was a guest, I couldn't say no.
After he finished he sang his college fight song like it was some victory
IN THE MIDDLE OF HOOKING UP, HE IS CALLED AWAY ON AN "EMERGENCY". FUCK THAT, MATT'S CAR IS NOT AS URGENT AS MY THIRST.
You peed on a pole and declared to a cop that it was your pole and yelled at him to not even look at it, and then yelled at all of us for looking at it.
So how do I get back in good graces for trying to trade you for superbowl tickets?
I'm putting his belongings the garage sale so he can buy his own stuff back. # divorced life. Thanks for cheating on me you tone deaf dick biscuit that'll be $20. Haha.
I think I just got drunk texted by my psychiatrist
Hey.... can you explain to me why when I woke up this morning my cell phone background had been changed to me getting a piggy back ride from a drag queen?
Randomize
