You know its bad when you're praying for a hangover just so you aren't still drunk at work anymore.
omg. why did you never tell me how amazing shitting and smoking is?
i thought this knowledge was automatically promulgated at the age of eighteen?
Covered in glitter and dick. 2010 feels a lot like 2009.
there's a guy on campus handing out business cards. you pay him to see if your girlfriend will cheat. the company name is "tying up loose ends"
"Not only do I bring a guy back to my hotel room....But I bring one back for my friend who's passed out drunk. Now that's what we call BESTfriends"
she just uttered the sweetest sentence in the english language...my stripper friends are coming over
he told me he once ran a blackmarket liquor store out of his house. thats all it took for me to go home with him
Im playing the how drunk can i get before my card declines game. being single sucks. But getting drunk after work alone in fridays on a wenesday night sucks way more.
Atlanta road trip update. Jimmy fell into the petting tank at the aquarium. And freaked out. With cops now... Keep you posted
Don't talk to me about lonely until you're eating marshmallows for dinner in your underwear watching House of Cards for 12 hours straight. I hate all you couples
Oh no that was the time I did the walk of shame with no shoes
Passing out drunk in my therapists lobby may not be the best way to confirm my "stability"
I manage to fit my wine bottle in my koozie and the rest is history
Just got hit on by a 28-year old, quadraplegic, triple-cancer-survivor redneck. Now updating bucket list to meet newfound standards.
I've got two reasons for you to come over later and one of them is pierced.
Randomize
