A girl limped into my class 15 minutes late wearing sunglasses, leggings, and a kiss me im irish shirt. She sat down and took her glasses off and im pretty sure she only had one eye's makeup still on. Someone had a great st pattys day.
Lesbian chick is doing her presentation on the time she woke up on the dockside still drunk at 7 am. This is why I show up to chinese class.
Talk me down man. Writing a paper drunk and about to buy Celine Dion's greatest hits.
He SHOWED UP to the party wearing one shoe and a dinosaur hat. He kept lifting up his shirt and asking people to bite his nipple.
These days, you and me are swimming in dicks.
Marco
Polo
Look, opening a Guinness with a steak knife and nearly cutting your finger off to make another carbomb is always a good idea.
Gas station champagne. And before you say anything I'll have you know it's imported. From California. So get fucked.
The majority of the reason I want to get my pilot's license is so I can use the argument "FUCK YOU! I'M A PILOT!"
So they found him after the wedding still dressed up in his feather boa and top hat passed out in a bush...
We left the bar and you kept yelling "ONWARD SCION, TO GLORY!!"
Awk. Hanging with her while messaging her ex about sex injuries he gave me
Yeah. I'm so over work, that I'm not even satisfied pretending to work anymore. I just flat out want to go home. Fuck this job
You're best friend just tackled me....naked....brought me to his room where he had freshly baked cinnamon rolls. I didn't know he could cook
You just managed to turn Doctor Seuss into a sext. I really like you now.
I got kicked out of the E.R. for saying "balls".
Randomize
