We were chasing that deer in the quad and next thing I remember I woke up in my RAs bed. I'm probably in trouble.
i'm almost one hundred percent positive that i have a warrant out for my arrest in this city. i also don't give a fuck because im drinking TEQUILAAAA
Im bringing wine tonight. Its from a merlot from nashville. i bet it'll taste like infidelity and teenage pregnancy.
She was wearing a shirt that said "Just Do Me", holding a half of a bottle of Vodka, and was screaming at her friends "PUSSY JUST SWALLOW!" before she chugged the rest of the bottle.
Dude, if you don't take her, I will.
Just had sex with a girl from Italy. The only english she knew was Obama campaign slogans. Her screaming, "Yes we can!" as I was railing her not only turned me on but allowed my neighbors to know it was consentual.
I have a huge gash on my chin. Did I get it from A) a mini siezure; B) an oral sex incident; C) Slamming it into a ledge or; D) all of the above?
Don't lose. A little bit of my soul dies every time a beer pong game is lost.
I think I'm just going to up-end a bottle of wine and look through pictures of what my life used to be.
Making a mobile stripper pole for the back of my truck memorial weekend. Is where dignity goes to die
I just want to get drunk and wake up on Wednesday
I like how she'll post a picture on Instagram with her boyfriend and 2 hours later you'll send me a snap of her panties on your rear view mirror
According to the arrest report, I shouted "no, YOU put some pants on" at the cop. Downhill from there.
Omg there's puke under my pillow. Clearly I puked and tried to hide it. From myself. \n
Can u pick up some lemons on the way? I have Tequila and a sore throat..I need them for both
Rich men love me! I remind them of their trophy wife!!!
Randomize
