The biggest loser is alot easier to jack off to at the end of the season
We were gonna play Truth or Dare but like 10 minutes in we decided to get naked and play Dare or Get the fuck out.
There was a reason that "Throat Warrior 2011" was written on my martini glass. He said my title was undisputed.
I woke up to a bag of pies and a lot of questions
please promise me that no matter what happens you will keep me away from the children
He brought me bullshit flowers and a bullshit apology. Even shrek did more than that for Fiona. And he's an ogre. Does this not say anything about him?
At what point does "I'm too high to deal with you right now" stop being rude?
lesson learned.. dressing up like a naughty teacher doesn't mean you can get away with spanking a cop with a ruler for being "fresh" with you
I think I blacked out after I decided drinking alone on the trailered jetskis was a good idea
I just connected with one of your drug dealers on LinkedIn.
Just passed the animal clinic parking lot I had to pull over to puke in during welcome week. I can almost hear the dogs barking at my shame again.
But lunch with my dad really just means an hour and a half of him telling me how he's disappointed and how he knows I'm on drugs
I know, dude. If he ends up having a tiny dick, I will literally pack it back into his pants and leave. Not worth the aggravation.
I'm a mess. I mean I almost got off but I'm a fucking rubics cube down there so il givenhim the point
I can still taste your cum in my mouth and my in-laws are coming over. This should go well.
Randomize
