That's when you crack a 10am beer
This got awkward about two "Oh yeah"s ago.
i just wanna lock my vagina in a safe filled with bandaids and healthy things
So he says "my girlfriends coming over so you have to leave but I love you"
Drinking heavily at 3pm and about to rescue a 30lb street turtle. Dont even bother attempting to rise to this level bitch
For the record you were pretending you were in a rocket when you drove from wawa to your house. So like 2 minutes of me listening to you making rocket sounds over the phone lmfao
There's a bus with a band full of dancing women in bras. I think I like it here.
Me: 10% human, 90% poor drunken life choices.
I threw a beer bottle at the bartender and pissed myself. Somehow, I didn't get kicked out.
I need to wash the frat house off of me
I am drunk at 8am listening to Cyndi Lauper and dressed up in a penguin suit
That isn't the worst part. It got a bazillion times more awkward when he read me a poem he wrote about his dead cat.
I don't care how hot she was, she wouldn't stop singing "Shut Up and Dance", instant boner-killer.
Thanks for letting me cross "getting high at park with children" off my bucket list
It was bad. U were calling my cat "kittiano" and playing her like a piano. Way too drunk my friend.
Randomize
