2 nights ago she wants to see other people, tonight she wants to have a threesome. The GOOD kind of threesome. So... win?
So she stayed over last night and slept walked in to my moms room where she used the bathroom and then proceeded to get in bed with my moms naked boyfriend. So yeah, at least now my family got to meet her.
"The real world" DC house is on the corner of 20th and S. Wanna come with to check it out? It's my goal to be a blurred out face in their hot tub.
Was it cool?
About as cool as only getting a handjob on your honeymoon.
sperm doesn't mix with malibu too well
I was arrested last night for attempting to flee and elude. I wasn't really trying to run from the police. I was drunk and lost in the woods. I thought it was pretty obvious when I was waving at them from my puddle of puke that I wasn't really hiding.
Dude. I have been looking at your movie history on netflix and it is like looking at the rings of a tree. Only instead of telling me how old you are, it tells me when you were stoned.
you woke me up just to tell me that I was beautiful in every way possible. Then you proceeded to fall asleep with your mouth on my boob.
the kid throwing up and laying face down on the deck just asked ME if I'M okay...
I basically have a picture with a half naked foreign exchange student. He kept screaming rolltide and i felt like a traitor
It took me half an hour to realize I didnt know them
I just can't even fathom the crazy and I work at a mental hospital.
My mom just drunk texted me complaining about her genitals smelling like Taco Bell. I really am her son
Unless he's under 18, in which case you put him back where you found him this instant.
I just sold Adderall to a priest, im not quite sure how I feel about this situation
Randomize
