tonight, alcohol would be proud of us
So I was just looking through the calendar on my phone seeing what day new years was on & on dec 31st at 9am it says "nude champagne toast". Guess we have to do it.
so its thursday, which means its time to resume communication with you
My ex best friend's ex fuck buddy is visiting. There was no other option but day drinking.
You may or may not of thrown up on your shoes, and you tried to give me a wet willy in my eye.
I don't know what to be prouder of: the fact that last night i was able to successfully find my way home from evanston with 3-d glasses on, or that i was able to make my way around my house in the dark with my pants around my ankles
Are you complaining because you're getting too much sex to find the time to masturbate?
Well, when you say it like that it sounds silly.
My going away gift was all of them dancing around with solo cups on their dick and balls...these are my friends
holy fuck man...it feels like I got beat the fuck out of by death's baseball bat...chimichangas?
Based on your 5AM twitter activity I gather you found MORE FREE COKE??
A party without a piñata is not a party I want to attend.
How does fucking Canada get Justin Good Guy Take Me Now, Just Fuck Me In The House of Commons Trudeau, and our new President looks like he bathes in cheetoh dust and sin?
Edible... I FEEL CLOSER TO THE UNIVERSE AND I DEF TRAVELED IN TIME. I THINK I CAN READ MINDS NOW.
nothing like a long car ride to make you think of all the bad things you've done
I had to explain to an ER nurse that I burned my dick playing onion ring toss today, your social awkwardness hardly compares.
Randomize
