i just threw up in a potted plant at home depot
He looks like the kind of guy that still collects pokemon cards
He thanked me for being "his little blond pogo stick last night". Good thing?
He offered to take me out to a nice dinner but I told him I would rather he just pay for my beer this weekend
I asked her if she wanted to make this a permanent exclusive thing instead of a fuck buddy thing, and she just looked at me like I'm an idiot.
That's because you are an idiot.
I thought I walked in on an orgy of smurfs. Man I love shrooms
Trying to grind with crutches was not a success
I shit you not ... they just advertised a recruiting service for strippers at this concert.
I'm dressed in all sequins still at 9:30 in the morning and the worst part is that I actually still fit in in Vegas
Spotted: shirtless guy wearing cut-off hot shorts, 1 cowboy boot and a sombrero puking in a bush while his friend yelled 'stop being a bitch" from the sidewalk'. Happy 4th of July 'merica!
As a plus, I've lost 5 pounds in two days, so "party all weekend" is officially a valid diet plan.
But I mean how many guys can say they get blow jobs and grilled cheese with football
you can't tell me not to come to work cause roads are bad then ask me an hour later to come in and expect me to be sober
Before he left he told me if his girlfriend ever finds out, she'll take us both to an alley and kill us.
I turn into such a nice and loving person when I take Vicodin
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