I projectile vomited into my sink. Jealous?
Kind of. My puke would have just dribbled down my chin and missed the sink completely.
Ohh that happened after I started to cry.
I'm at a party with that guy you made out with on new years. He remembers your name!
I just ran from Santa Claus in Kroger
Totally about to meet up with Ryan in an empty parking lot. Expect to fuck him. Yes I know it's 3am. Slutty? Possibly. Excited? Damn right.
He's trying to kill me, one liver cell at a time. It's going to be a slow, but awesome death
If it makes you feel better, I doubt anything could survive in your uterus.
i remember getting really pissed off when you wouldn't let me sleep in the garage with your cat.
One last question would your parents let me sleep in your bathtub for the night?
Woke up in her bed this morning with a half used condom stuck to the side of my face
How can a condom be "half used"?
And they have kittens that decided that boobs are apparently the best arena for king of the hill...
As much as I enjoyed playing drunk half naked twister and talking about my daddy issues last time, I'll have to pass.
So I'm at home coloring while smoking a joint. It can only go down hill from here.
So many people have told me I have great tits tonight, I'm unstoppable
I think I fell asleep on my pizza last night. Damn, I am sauccccy.
i have to pee so bad and he is sleeping and idk where the bathroom or my clothes are!!!
Randomize
