Hope the move went well! I'll miss you!
you are a cunt and I hated living with you and your skeezy boyfriend.Just thought I'd get that out there.
we got blazed and looked up peoples criminal records
Hindsight: maybe I should have included a few transitional texts in between talking about your son and my need to have sex. Do over?
I should have to wear a sign around the rest of the day so everyone knows the shame I feel.
I should have considered my snorting capabilities before breaking my nose
whatever the appropriate amount of shots is to consider drunken acrobatics a good idea was a few less than I actually had
Only Tommy would bring a stripper pole to a bonfire
Adderal can only make me focus so much. Your ass is stronger than my medicine. Congratulations.
My dreams last night were filled with sex and quidditch.
Getting food poisoning after eating at work was the cherry on top of my "Welcome back to real life" sundae.
I still don’t believe you, the dog DID NOT tear down the shower curtain and shit on the floor.. we found you in the fetal position in the bathroom holding your tequila gun. It was you!
scotch tastings during the week is a baaad idea. i woke up w no pants but wearing my winter coat
On a scale of 1 to 10, with 1 being “good” and 10 being “banging a student’s father”, how bad is it that I’m banging a student’s father?
Just because I'm asexual doesn't mean I can't have a revenge fuck.
The work outs are working. Someone just said my body type was “Tits On A Stick”.
Randomize