you know whats awesome about this morning. A suprise visit from my dad at 7:30 am. There was a pair of heels on the lawn and a girl sleeping in just her underwear on the floor of my living room. He either thinks im a champion or a total fuck up. I'm thinking fuck up but im hoping champion.
sorry probably not gonna make it :( kinda tied up right now
sad face, r u gay?... wait like really tied up?
:)
Fuck now we have to have sex
What?
In a bet, need to win
He told me he breastfed 'til he was six. That explains the obsession with me getting fake tits. Is it a red flag?
Something about getting head on stairs. I don't know.
Started with us just having a beer. Now Ivan lit a torch to walk to the store, Ben smashed a 26 in the parking lot, and they're throwing broken shot glasses. Fratio Friday is something.
I have reached the state of intoxication where it is now a requirement to sit while peeing.
i don't know man, last time i saw her she was applying sunblock to her vagina
I love you more with every blowjob.
You should write for Hallmark.
I have major gossip for you.
Oh no, did you have sex last night?
If I had sex last night I'd probably post it on facebook. It's been that long and I'd be that excited.
You just kept yelling and saying, "IM NOT GOING TO STOP YELLING UNTIL YOU TAKE THAT SHOT"
at one point while they were drilling into my jaw I just remember thinking "will I ever be able to suck dick again"
Would love to dress up in respectable attire and take you out somewhere nice and then do disgusting crude things in public
You can call me ugly and you can call me fat,but don't you EVER say my meme game is weak.
What did you spend the night in her closet?
She said she was saving me for breakfast and locked me in there
Randomize
