I just had to sit down with an 11 year old who threatened to dick slap a girl.
Either he has two lazy eyes or he really likes my tits..
i cant believe i hit a parked car with a pink dildo in my mouth... fuckin epic
Is he smart?
Why would i know that. That would deal with the top half of his body. I only deal with the bottom half.
#1 RULE OF DRINKING: DELETE YOUR EX'S NUMBER FROM YOUR PHONE
Oh god our sink is a cavalcade of horrors. Brb sacrificing a goat and putting everything in the dishwasher forever
NATIONAL GIVE A BOSTON COP A BLOW JOB BITCH ROAD TRIP NOW
I don't think you understand. I woke up under the car. At 3 am. In the club parking lot.
I'm so annoyed. We're about to buy groceries for the week and at this point I'm hoping to sustain myself on pure alcohol.
My plan for the weekend: 1) Get shit faced in Vegas. 2) Not die
I woke up naked and only wearing cowboy boots, wrapped in a curtain that was still attached to the pole
i just had to ask the gas station attendant what state i was in... winning at life.
im in missouri by the way.
Does it still count as a threesome if one girl left halfway through cause we were having too much sex?
Fuck you for even being able to ask that question
True I am eskimo brothers with every one of my room mates, but it was only two girls. And 9 outta 10 times I was first
I'm going to be there later than expected. There was a yo-yo incident...
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