Walking by Farrand Field is better than a porno right now.
this other lifeguard and I are actually considering paying a kid to shit in the pool
Jake just asked if thanksgiving was an american thing...I left the table
There's a guy at this party taking all the unfinised beers and pouring them into a pitcher so he can drink them tomorrow.
he asked if he could put his cape on while he was still inside me.
so i turned around to do some reverse cowgirl when he said that this was such a better visual for him. Bad compliment or serious insult. i cant tell
when we got back we had sex. but it wasnt til the morning that i figured out her leg was broken
I waited so long to accept his friend request that he canceled it. So I added him and when he accepted I deleted him. I wonder how long this will be funny to me
NEVER PUT A LIT CIGARETTE BEHIND YOUR EAR
I woke up in an empty bathtub with the wrong brother
You couldn't find your shoe so you introduced yourself as Cinderella for the rest of the night.
Ahh that explains the text from creepy mike saying he would be my prince charming.
I just used Bacardi to dry out poison ivy.
He also wore a doorag last night so i had to swipe left.
I just need to get a little drunker before I realize I'm not straight
If you send me another picture of a donut on your penis while I'm at work, I may have to slap you With the donut.
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