he said "you're pretty" then i made out with him. thats all it took
finding my wedding ring encrusted in vomit this morning really just topped off last night...
there is a school bus full of santas parked in front of the liquor store
Literally he has the smallest penis I've ever felt since 8th grade.
wtf
I'm guessing you saw the bathroom?
So my game is weak??
If your game is "Lets have sex, and maybe pizza" then yes.
He kissed my cheek and I could smell it the whole way home like shit
1 I really miss college walks of shame 2 I think I may have killed this girls cat
she crawled under her car and passed out. Unfortunately her feet were sticking out and someone called 911 because they thought she had been run over.
Some girl, somewhere, is going to wake up with my face paint on her vagina
All I want to do is fuck in the bell tower before it leave this school. Is that too much to ask?
I'm really sorry that I blew your friend in your bed, but to be fair he started it.
You called me at 3 am laughing like an idiot. Apparently you consider breaking out of the hospital to be a lifetime achievement.
I just pulled a seven inch black hair out of my ass. Pretty sure that means we're dating now
I feel as though I look like a mom with a substance abuse problem
Randomize
