Text me right after you finish, I want to know how the ghetto fleshlight worked out
How about I just call you while I'm doing it so you can hear my reaction?
You should get sea herpes
I mean sea horses
I love her so much that if I could have sex with her I wouldn't cuz my dick would feel out of place in such a perfect body/vagina
I owe her a pancake or a second hand orgasm
I wanna thank you for having such slutty friends growing up. Your a great little sister
Just blew a perc off the traytable on my flight, spring break has begun!!
He's like a perfect storm of amazing hair and horrible judgment.
He practically cut off his thumb and she offered him a tampon to stop the bleeding
Just peed in the fountain while its snowing. Fell flat on my ass, literally my butt naked ass in a pile of snow. It's safe to say I'm done with drinking on weekdays
I've made a single handle of rum last like three weeks and my mom hasn't even acknowledged it.
I literally just ordered a gold medal online that is engraved with his name, "01.01.16", and "BEST SEX EVER"
Help I can't tell if I'm sexually attracted to Bill Nye
Oh.
You came to the right person.
My sack is cleanly shaven and the rest of my body has been manscaped. i even put aftershave on my junk. i feel sleek like a fighter jet right now.
Oh, and Harry Potter. We could be fuck-and-Harry-Potter buddies.
Standing naked in my kitchen making nachos. I love my youth.
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