yeah but it's new years. they should arrest people for being sober that day.
Blood drive hookups: you will probably faint during the sex, but at least you know neither of you has AIDS
Weed smoke burps in the boss's face. Job security.
At least the cops kept you away from sleeping with her. Protect and Serve.
Take in how we used all the shot glasses in the bar in less than an hour
It was horrifying, i havent seen a girls mouth open that wide since that one episode of Goosebumps..
I'm going to have to take an awkward trip to the front desk to ask them if they found a pair of turquoise shorts and an "I'm the Mom" sweatshirt.
I'm mailing you cans of corn and that's final.
I'm too drunk to explain this to you. It's too hard.
Then while I was crying on his shoulder, he got a boner. Soo. I kinda just hopped on.
Fun fact: the guy I banged last night. His middle name on his birth certificate is "Windstorm."
I almost stopped mid bj to let him know I appreciated his balls being nice to look at/have my face near. But I didn't know if that would ruin, or improve the moment.
I was on tinder the whole time I was waiting for my pregnancy test results at the doctors.
He asked if I could not say his name during sex cause he liked the girl in the apartment above me.
i forgot how loud opening a beer is in a house where your not allowed to drink
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