Great. There's a birthday party at work today. Now I can stand around and feel uncomfortable for an hour.
woke up in Sigma Chi. In his room. they are iniating pledges right now. Holy fucking shit mother of pearl.
words of advice: black light parties reveal cum stained clothing.
Housekeeping called in a homicide detective. Just spent an hour explaining that we had vigorous hotel vacation sex five times, even though I was having a heavy flow day. It'll definitely be what you call a memorable honeymoon.
I just want you to know if you wake up tomorrow morning and wreak of mustard, I was not involved.
Found out why they call her Halfpipe Jenny-NOT the cool reason we thought
she fell through a window trying to flash someone
Watching the gap toothed girl get more ass than me is almost devastating.
I don't think child baring hips is a compliment.
I'm going to have to take an awkward trip to the front desk to ask them if they found a pair of turquoise shorts and an "I'm the Mom" sweatshirt.
Of course it was necessary for me to call the strip club and ask what their shower policy is. Smelled like she was wiping her ass with my eyebrows during that dollar dance.
So the old dude that tried to fight me is definitely Katie's dad. And the pot cookie's kicking in. Shit is getting weird.
You slid down the bannister into a split. Lines were crossed.
I'm still laying in bed cuz I don't feel like adulting yet
I just learned in class that female whales slap their fins against the water and then ten males come and fight for her yet we can't get guys to text us back
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