Dude that chick in the corner just threw up
Hot
I just woke up and found a naked man on my floor. Looks like Dad had a wild night of strip poker
if i wake up one more time on my porch im gonna start considering myself homeless
The more I hate his personality, the more I love his penis.
Hahaha alright after 5 shots I'm not allowed to touch glass or boys with girlfriends.
If I come back covered in mud topless and banging on your door, please have a warm towel ready for me
If I get aids I am starting a lawsuit against snapchat.
How does a law student 15 days away from graduation prepare for a pass fail final? Drinking beer, eating thick cut bacon, and watching game of thrones, that's how
Remember the bouncer that knocked out Dave and Sam? Apparently his day job is a florist. Uppercut and fresh cut in one package.
When he pulled it out last night I asked if that was as hard as it was going to get. I think I may have offended him.
What's the procedure for answering a booty call from someone under house arrest?
I ate icecream cake off your tits for my birthday, if that's not love I don't know what is.
We need to borrow someone's dog. Just so we can non-creepily go to PetSmart and watch all the other dogs take photos with Santa
I just met him at a place called the meat farm, Jesus be a shield.
Should I put the spider I likely swallowed in my sleep into my calorie tracker?
Randomize
