sorry probably not gonna make it :( kinda tied up right now
sad face, r u gay?... wait like really tied up?
:)
the best thing about dollar beer night is beer is only a dollar.
someone was throwing condoms at us.
no, they just magically show up around you.
He looks like he has a penis
What the fuck
A good one, a good penis
We literaly had to peel your fingers off the jose cuervo bottle and lock it in someones room
Buying a large dominoes pizza for a wasted 3 mile walk is the best bad idea ever. My mouth is on fire, probably broke my hand, and i may or may not have eaten street pizza.
How did you break your hand eating pizza?
Boxes are hard to see rocks through.
Honestly I'm so excited to go to bed I feel as if I don't deserve to be in my early twenties.
I just watched in amazement as you had a full conversation about water temperature and bacteria with your pet goldfish.
There's like a dolphin trainer convention here or something. I will parlay this trip to Vegas into riding Shamu if its the last thing I do.
I probably won't go. Last time I got drunk with those guys I just started demanding people let me touch their beards.Then I mocked everyone who didn't have facial hair.
Sorry that I got drunk and refused to let you buy me pizza. I'm a monster and I understand if you hate me forever
I've needed to start drinking protein shakes to keep up with her. It's like my dick just started doing crossfit.
Just almost drowned myself in the shower again. I need an adult.
Are we at that level of friendship where we can share slutty stories and not hold it against the other person at a later date ?
She’s 47 and wants me to fuck her on her mom’s hospital bed
Randomize