He threw a goldfish cracker into my toilet and then proceeded to laugh for 32 minutes. I timed it.
I'm watching Cheaper By The Dozen. I almost forgot that Hilary Duff was a really shitty actor before she was a really shitty singer.
my mom just asked me what a queef is. she needs to stop watching south park
I owe her a pancake or a second hand orgasm
It's confirmed. We did xmas carol the grocery store across the street from his building at 2:30am... Only the staff was there.
I slept with him to see his dog one last time
This is the most scared i've been of my hands since i did shrooms.
I don't think everyone found it as funny as I did... Nothing says "Party's Over" like the sound of a pump action shotgun.
In case you were wondering, taking me to see beauty and the beast in theaters would totally get you an unsolicited sloppy beej in the parking lot afterwards.
You should probably take note of that and make it happen.
I'm laying in bed listening to Purple Rain on repeat. If you wanna bone, come up, but if not, at least Prince understands me.
I puked up my nose. THAT kind of night
What, I can't laugh at my sister being driven crazy by Facebook randomly assigning chat significance to the guy she lost her virginity to?
So it's official the pockets of my work apron exist solely for the purpose of secretly flipping off asshole customers and not losing my job.
No I got a fucking mosquito bite on my vagina. Summer is off to a bumpy start.
Whose the chick running for dorm president promising bigger dicks and softer toilet paper? That’s who I m voting for
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