I wish there was an iPhone app to help you with your shitty personality.
dude, osama threatened the US again
dude. i slept with your sister last night
what?
I saw that as an opertune moment to drop some big news
were having a shit on karen session at work but then she walked in so we used code names instead and she tried to join in like she knew them
she's got a whisker from her dead cat taped to the wall. I'm pretty sure that about sums it up...
How do I tell if what I'm covered in is pee or cum?
You kept running into the wall most of the night. When people asked you what you were doing you told them you were the kool-aid man and there was little kids on the other side of the wall who needed your juice
We got really high and decided it would be a good idea to wash towels in the dishwasher. I left before I could see the final result.
My overnight senior got drunk and hooked up with Kaylee on Sunday. I checked Facebook and he already put down his deposit for next year. This school should pay me a commission.
The milf did the body paint, come to the bar
I don't know. I'm drunk and dressed as a pirate but ill do the math tomorrow morning.
I don't think meeting his drug dealers counts as a relationship landmark.
My brother is chasing tequila with vodka. Not sure how it will turn out, but I like his style.
Hey, if a dude can't randomly belt out Whitney Houston tunes from time to time, is life really worth living??
Here's an unsolicited pic of my tits, because you almost died last night.
She told us she had powers and that eating tree bark cures the shits.
Randomize
