I'm in that stage of denial where I hope our kids have his nose.
You do realize that you broke up with him, right?
dude I just sharted for the first time ever, kind of gross
well what did you think, shitting your pants would be fun
She showed me her prom dress from 2001, which still had her date's cum stain on it.
Oh, so that's why you call her jizzarella....
The crowning achievement of my weekend was hooking up with someone I'm at least facebook friends with.
im gonna call it quits for tonight... I am so drunk I dont even have the motor skills to masturbate
He told her, Don't talk. Just sit there so I can imagine that you have the kind of personality I wish you had.
remember.. you're not a homewrecker.. you're just creating options for him..
You are very nonchalant about the high probability of us having an orgy.
Eh, I'm ok with this, this can work. We're the best kind of the worst people.
I'm gonna eat you out with that hat on so it looks like beaker's doing it. And I'm gonna go "memememememe"
420 is off to a bad start. Mark wake/baked WAY too much, and he has spent over $50 on the claw machine in the grocery store.
Eating chips and sending nudes. This is my life.
UPDATE: IM NOT A TEEN MOM LETS GO PARTY
I'm shopping for Mother's Day cards while waiting for my herpes medication. What is life.
I know what I want to do this Friday. However, it might end in me getting kicked out of an arcade and a mini golf course.
you were peeing in her backyard and some dude came outside and looked at you and was like "thats not a pee spot" and you said "well it is now" then i joined you. Forever poppin squats <3
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