you kept running across the street. everytime you made it across successfully you took something off. can't believe there were no cops around...
oh thats it?
i got so high last night i cried hysterically for like 5 minutes because i dont have any superpowers
just bailed mom out of jail. Tell me i'm not the favorite child
Found your pants in the mailbox
What were my pants doing in the mailbox?
I don't know but there's postage on them
you know it's the perfect hook up when you don't have any friends in common with his girlfriend on facebook.
Do you think if I tell the hot Santa at work that I want a sugar daddy for Christmas that he'll get the hint?
He started screaming when he saw my dog. He thought it was a polar bear
i'm about to be the still-drunkest person on the ellipticals
my memory may be fuzzy, but the 20+ naked pictures I sent him were surprising clear
She yanked on my limp dick and I yelped, to which she slurred something about starting it like a lawn mower
That moment when I wear the same thing I did to a motel nooner to my family's Christmas party... Ho Hoety Ho bitches
I'm really sorry I hooked up with your student on the dance floor..
Yes. I'm realizing that sports games are good reasons to drink. I just cheer when everyone else cheers.
Is there ever a non-asshole time to play the "I was a child prodigy" card?
Like people might wonder why I put up with your puns. You give good head and play with my hair
Randomize
