bought some hannah montana deodorant. hope it doesnt make me smell untalented
you're single. I'm single. let's spend vday with the 3 most important men in our lives: ben, jerry, and josé
the fact that he forgave me for making out with the bartender is proof that i can fuck my way out of anything.
Just write off about 10000+ brain cells and 6 months of your lifespan.
Sounds like a normal friday night
The only thing I remember is vomiting and then feeding my dog a Mcdonalds cheeseburger and telling him yolo
My girlfriend is studying for the MCAT by watching The Magic Schoolbus. There go my dreams of being a househusband.
I NEED YOU HERE TO KNOCK THE MALT BEVERAGES OUT OF MY MOUTH
Also I just had a flash back ... He told me I have nice nipples and then asked me about yours..
YOUR TITS WERE ON THE TABLE.
Also, I cannot stop picturing myself in a bar, 3 years from now ordering soda. Just soda. 30 pounds over weight and wearing a cat sweater. I feel like I'm heading in the wrong direction in life.
I don't know if the fact that I carry lube in my purse means I'm living life right or I'm doing it wrong..
I found a hot kiwi last time and sucked his dick. That's what rooftop bars are made for.
Well we can add this to the list of 'where the hell did that bruise come from?'
We need a rematch, I think my pussy was on vacation the other night.
Okay penises are actually pretty exciting. The people attached to them are an entirely different story
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