i also saw a trio of peacocks walking along a sidewalk in hollywood today. i really hope im not tripping.
some girl just asked me how to spell unconscious. I really want to know what she was texting.
i just heard Winston Churchill in auto-tune. thank you nerds.
Maybe my heart is located in my vagina
The polish Muslims are throwin paczkis into the crowd and I'm beer 6 before 11 am
I think rescheduling my finals around when Im going to be hungover is responsible
I woke up with glitter in my wounds.
Dude. Once again. Cleaning house. Found weed I hid from myself a month ago. Celebrating/testing it out. if i dont text back in 10, call dominos.
i am willing to donate my body to this science experiment when it means free blowjobs
It's a little weird that I'm blowing my wingman.
Goddamnit, guys. I got lube all over my kindle.
I'm going to reward myself for having sex with coffee and a breakfast burrito.
Edible... I FEEL CLOSER TO THE UNIVERSE AND I DEF TRAVELED IN TIME. I THINK I CAN READ MINDS NOW.
I just puked in a chili’s bathroom... happy birthday to me
My bald co-worker just chugged a literal gallon of coffee. My condolences to his kidneys.
Randomize
