I don't know what you were told but i for sure didn't sleep with any one but steve's couch.
Maryland truck stops are full of people with killer mustaches
i hooked up with some kid with a broken arm and he wouldnt even let me sign his cast
if that's jizz on my steering wheel i'm gonna be pissed...and impressed.
There was blood everywhere. She was pretty good looking person though.
you say it like running around in your thong wasted is a bad thing
I'm basically just sitting in the porta poTty finishing my bottle of champagne bc I am too lazy to carry it back to the tailgate
I'm still tasting pancake mix. I think this may actually be a serious medical problem...
I don't like getting sloppy drunk but I don't like getting just half drunk either, I'm way too responsible if my blood alcohol level is below 0.2
Gotta admit I did think about bartering you out to the gay guys for $20 and the dudes flashy neck scarf
Ah that wonderful moment when you realise the bookmark you were using in a book you lent your mum is actually a receipt from a strip club
She licked my face when I was on the phone with a customer and I just laughed. Im not sure if thats good or bad
I also slapped not one but two bananas on the ass, twerked in public, and I think I made out with someone
You used a fucking bud light like as lube last night. I'd get a UTI test like stat.
Thanks for duct tapping my dick to my leg while I was passed out. I could only aim straight down. I stood on your bed. Have a nice day at work!
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