She made fun of how I walked so I announced to her boyfriend that I have cum on her face before.
Katie Perry lied, you can't just wake up and shake the glitter off your clothes.
Stop making excuses. You can be here in 5 and cumming in 10
He went around feeding all the high kids pretzels. He's like their god now
If you see my mugshot on the news tomorrow, its not what you think
Can one of you do me a favor? Light a match and throw it into my room. Bc I'm certain I would rather be burned to death than live in this hell I call my life
My friends son got stung by a jellyfish over the weekend and we seriously stood there debating on whether or not we should pee on this toddler.
He has been feeding me cheesecake and candy for breakfast. Naked. For three days. How am I ever going to leave????
I just text my one night stand Happy Easter on her way home...now would be a good time for the lord to smite me.
Apparently I told him he would be good for human sacrifice.
Omg the world wants us to be better people
I refuse
I'm trying to get weird tonight. Like I want to see bitches crawling on all fours drinking milk from bowls and shit by 5 am. You down?
His dick is the size of my forearm. Would it be rude to ask to take a comparison photo after sex?
he just ran into my room in his giant penis costume yelling "supercock to the rescue"... I am still in total shock
I am a taco. I am also really high.
I've always seen you more as a chimichanga.
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