Is it gay to rub my penis between my butt cheeks and pretend that they're tits?
Wow! You need to get laid.
One person in the car. Three blizzards. Alot of judging.
She just told me she's too full for a reach-around. Sad.
Yes, that was me on the jumbo tron. No, i don't know why i was hiding.
you know it takes a lot for me to use utensils conservatively
YOU ARE TAKING ADVANTAGE OF MY INEBRIATED STATE
YOU ARE DRUNK AND USED AND SPELLED THE WORD "INEBRIATED" CORRECTLY. I AM TAKING ADVANTAGE OF NOTHING.
I CAN'T HELP THAT I'M MULTITALENTED YA FUCKER
I love our relationship. We just get drunk, show each other our tits, demonstrate sexual positions and make pasta. Then you go to bed and I sit around with your mom and cry about how proud of you we are.
Goodbye spring break, hello depressing video on AIDS.
You know you can't live off of vodka and pizza rolls forever
I'VE ALREADY MADE MY CHOICE
I made out with drunk Joe Dirt and then put his mullet wig on for him. True Halloween romance.
I just sent a snapchat of my boobs for Adderall. It's finals season.
GOOGLE HAS JUST RELEASED AN UPDATE THAT ALLOWS YOU TO CATCH POKEMON USING MAPS. Pack your shit, our time has COME.
I'm sure there's been a weekend in 2014 we were sober... Clearly it wasn't fun, bc I can't recall it. Point proven, alcohol is key.
You said the best orgasm you ever had, you gave to yourself. your boyfriend looked really disappointed. so did half the room.
She fucked a bartender in a closed Applebee’s and has the nerve to call me easy
Randomize
