I just drank Colt45 out of a champagne glass. I feel classy.
Colt 45 out of anything is classy.
I've come to accept that no matter where I step in our apartment, your underwear will be there.
I'm hard boiling eggs, drinking rum, and talking to my 8 year old brother about the 10's times tables. This is what thursday is all about.
mom brought her knitting needles with her. its bad enough to be in the ER on new years, but to be with the knitting parent!?
I made him leave at 3am, he texted me a couple minutes later and said the elevator was broken and he was sleeping in there, but he said I was worth it so I don't feel guilty
Some guy dressed like Santa just handed me a bottle of tequila. I NEVER WANT TO LEAVE CANCUN
all i could think about while he was eating me out was how pretty his eyelashes were
No hurry on coming over. My body currently wants everything on the inside to be on the outside. But really. Don't hurry.
Dude that's beautiful. I've never heard of someone smoking with their bunny.
I feel like I have a connection with him. A marijuana-induced-spiritual connection.
He is dating a girl who is on the Olympic shooting team...I've never been so scared to hit on a guy with a girlfriend in my entire life.
You've never sent a girl a dick pic?
Call me old fashioned
He said his fantasy involved both of us fucking while stuffed into the same overalls
When she said "Tighten your safety belt and hold on!", that should have been a clear sign to me that one should never go off-roading in a rental car. On the bright side, they were able to tow her car out the next morning.
I did stay at work til 5 but for the last hour I was just taking naked pics on my desk for some tinder guy
He looks like a Mormon from a lifetime movie. Oddly I wanna give him a hand job
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