u cheatin on me?
if i did i would try to upgrade babe.
she broke up with me using backstreet boy lyrics
you deserved it if you knew it was backstreet boys.
The night was doomed the minute I started taking shots with an apple as a chaser.
Let's just cut to the chase. I'm not interested in anything romantic but I aAM interested in Tom Petty and maybe getting high and fucking you again for old times sake.
you're surprised the chick that fucked you for a free cup has herpes. i don't feel bad for you.
There's a wake for a coworker on 420 during te time of 420... Hoping everyone will be too sad to notice how high I am.
we've been together for three years, and i still get excited when i know i'm going to give him a blow job. it's that kind of love
she was drinking until 3, woke up at 7, shouted 'I'M STILL DRUNK" and went out for a jog in her thong
I just ate a can of beans for dinner so I can afford to go get a 5$ bottle of wine. I really did not think these choices would still be necessary at age 25.
Dude I was taking a shower and I kept looking down at the drain expecting Mario to come up, yell "It's a me, Mario!", tickle my balls, and go back down the drain.
I bet his dick wears a tuxedo.
I just dropped a condom on the floor at costco in front of my girlfriend and her husband. Today is not going to go well.
I'm sorry about the spring break comment. I won't make anymore pornos, I promise.
So I sniffed too hard this morning before work and I THINK THE COCAINE JUST STARTED ROUND 2.
If it's any consolation she turned out to be has a collection of clown dolls she talks to crazy. And the cops knew why I was calling when she key locked the door from inside.
Randomize
