Sometimes I get depressed that my son is too young to understand how hot his babysitter is.
My vag should have a twitter account. It would be like "destroyed another condom today".
you kept say ridiculous things then repeating them in perfect classical latin. You are onee intelligent drunk
You kept telling me to "raw dog" your take home breathalyzer without the mouthpiece
you will always have a special place in my vag
Do you remember using the heel of your shoe as a shish kabob stick? You offered me some chicken, but I declined.
It's sad the highlight of the night was you didn't electrocute yourself again.
They can't keep moving my court date back, i dont know if I'll survive another one of these going away to jail parties.
You just kept holding your breath for a really long time and calling it lung excersizes.
I thought you just gave him blowjobs and he criticized your drug use.
I woke up at 3am, my head in a toilet, still at the kegger, wearing a random cowboy hat.
I've never danced to a Michael Jackson song in a bar and left alone bro. Something in girls loves a guy who dances to mj
You were supposed to behave this weekend.
But... naked.
no it was not a "magical experience". After we dropped, he just sat there staring at my laptop going "apple makes beautiful things".
Yo this huge scar on my head from the car accident is truly a vag magnet. Probably because I'm telling people I was attacked by a mountain lion and killed it with my bare hands. But hey when life gives you lemons, you use them to get pussy
Randomize
