I think someone spiked my drink last night. .. Like all 20 of them.
i love insurance, just had an iv with 4 bags of fluid, 2 shots of finagrin and a 2 hour nap . woke up without a hangover. all for $20
I think thats the most anyones ever pregamed for rollerskating
The last thing I remember is you asking me how to grow french fries.
Just had perfomance review. I was told the best example of my integrity was when I told my boss I was going to fail the random drug test due to my weekend coke binge. She said that took a lot of character.
On a side note, I now know what a $150 cab ride looks like
All I could understand from his text was "hatchet" "soccer" & "bitch". its safe to say andy has had enough to drink & will be violent soon
My sister hid me from my parents, brought me a bloody mary, and told my girlfriend I was out with my dad. For 13, I got to say she's working out pretty good.
Chuck job is nothing more than to be my dick stand when I'm too drunk to hold it while pissing
All I really remember is shouting "THANKS FOR LETTING ME MAKE OUT WITH YOUR GIRLFRIEND."
What can I say? You have this amazing power over straight girls.
Also, sorry about chilling in just the towel last night. You know I have ADD and somehow even after looking at you, I forgot I'm not the only person living there right now
His flight is delayed. Mother Nature is delaying me from sex.
well i mean, we just followed them into an alien and astronaut party. there was tin foil everywhere
The brides mom put a 6 year old in charge of me to make sure I don’t get too drunk before the wedding
This is a crisis. I had a huge crush on him in seventh grade and now his girlfriend is due to have his child on my birthday. HIS CHILD CAN'T BE BORN ON MY BIRTHDAY.
Randomize
