It was just pointed out to me in a meeting that there is a lipstick stain on my crotch.
i wanted to iron the shorts i'm wearing. but i'm high and lazy. so i'm using my hair straightener. in bed.
You know im sick of people that are still obsessed w obama. that was sooooo last year
i feel this outfit says i'm better than you, but i might give you a handjob behind a building
I'm sitting on the patient chair, waiting for my vagina to be violated & "i don't want to miss a thing" has been playing on repeat. WHY IS THIS HAPPENING TO ME.
She grabbed both of our dicks in the pool then said repeatedly, "this is my dream, this is my dream,"
She's like the Michael Jordan of alcoholism
U can find me on my couch hungover eatin tuna evaluating my life
I AM THERE IN SPIRIT, TICKLING YOUR BALLS
His dick looks just like him, taller than average, thick, and somehow always angry.
I just had a mental image of us riding a tractor through hell with one of those big guns mounted on top of it shooting at everyone while the indiana jones music plays.
I went to work hungover and threw up in the break room. Told them I was pregnant and then said I quit. I don't have a job now, thanks vodka.
I'm not asking for life coaching, I'm just asking if you know where I left my underpants.
Dude, you fell into a tree, and both of the tables, AND the window well... Resilient aren't you?
What, That's like a total 7 inches of cock and 6 are from Joe. Don't be mad at me because you had the lamest orgy ever.
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