So it's 11:24am. I've had sex twice and been laid 3 times. I love holidays!
I understand the whole sex thing but did you really get laid or is that synonymous for more alcohol?????
Honestly.
Don't say a word.
we were both hunting dick last night. it ended terribly for both of us.
I wish my dick could take responsibilities for his own actions
If he thought that flying across an ocean to visit me in London constituted sex, he thought wrong.
The bar has bullet holes in the ceiling, and the country singer had been playing drunken weezer covers. A man just bought me a beer on the grounds that I 'have his back' in a fist fight with a stranger texan. And, yes, the bartender is wearing a sherif's badge
When you called me you were telling a hobo that you couldn't spare ten bucks bc that was your beer money. All your words were slurred.
Fuck him.
well he got me up crazy early but i got pizza for breakfast and an electric blanket to sleep with sooo he passed the one night stand test.
The pool of urine in the trash can signifies both a regretful yet successful night.
I just spilled grey goose in my hair. You could say I keep it classy for the family Christmas parties.
Then. Omg he showed me A CARD TRICK AFTER WE CAME
We tried to do sophisticated last night, but our low class kept shining through.
well he said my boobs made him believe in love at first sight so that's cool
You know getting black out drunk at a cats birthday party should have been my lowest point drinking wise but some how I feel like last night was some how worse
Swear on my life the dude next to us just ordered a pizza and I will fight to the death for a slice
Two grav bong hits and a shower later and I'm ready for company
It's like you say things that speak to my soul on a deep personal level
Randomize
