On friday while at the hotel bar by myself (creepy) I made friends w/ a millionaire who said he may be running for the position of mayor in richmond va (likely a lie). At one point during our discourse he asked if I was crazy. In the effort of full disclosure I looked him in the eye and said yes
I don't know what prompted his inquiry, clearly this man had impeccable intuition
Just ran into that chick u called from my phone and left her a MSG bout how she has aids
Ahaha, good shit
been sitting in chapter for 25 minutes. drinking last night's franzia out of a XXX vitamin water 10 bottle. recruitment chair has no idea. life is good.
i cleaned the weed out of my bowl, pretended it was a spoon and ate oatmeal with it. my mom cried
do you guys have 30-35 shot glasses? because if not, i don't even see a point in me coming
They nicknamed me the gargoyle. Sex with me is getting gargoyled. The last one I fucked yelled "gargoyle me" for dirty talk. I think fucking me is part of their pledging initiation. Somewhat OK with this.
That was around the time you tried to kick me out for being rude to your fish.
I need you to come over. Im crying, day drinking and working out simultaneously.
I think i smell like relationship. That's my problem.
If I end up married to you I better get lots of orgasms to help me forget I failed at life.
We're just Facebook friends. Use guy logic. I tapped your wife in high school, 20 years and 60 lbs ago, when she was hot and experimental. Why would I mess with that now? It would ruin the vivid memories of her that I keep in my spank bank.
I will find you...
But we only had three ninja turtles. So everyone that would ask us where Donatello was, we would say "what? He's gone? Shredder is at it again!"
Besides, I don't need any more men there who have seen my tits. #bearwatch2014
This is not a drill. I need a cape. And a tuxedo. Simultaneously. Repeat. NOT. A. DRILL....
I would fuck him just for his dog
Randomize
