It wouldn't matter if you are Jesus Christ himself, you are not getting into the bar tonight
there should be a relationship option on facebook "stillllll in a relationship"
they told me her nickname is "wizard sleeve"
pick me up NOW
He was such a tease, he pulled out his dick, let me touch it then put it away
I was just crying my tits off and he was just sitting there listening. I was an open book of embarrassing life stories.
Wine is not your friend.
I would rather you cheat on me then you watch this season of Breaking Bad without me.
I wish I could be at this cabin banging all these old dads
I have to call my new boss to accept the job offer so you have pack the bowl while I pretend I'm a responsible adult THEN we can get high
Dude. You dropped to your knees and face planted into the rocks. And continued to talk on the phone and laugh. That's where those cuts came from.
I may be a complete scumbag but even im not willing to spend a grand and sit on a plane for 24 hours just for shrooms and a blowjob
He motorboated me, gave me a business card congratulating me on my motorboat, then disappeared into the night.
Find him and marry him.
It was the scariest thing ever having a flame that close to my balls...
I threw up soo much that I started crying. Then his grandma randomly came in and started rubbing my back...
I just had a legitimate orgy. Wearing glowsticks.
Turns out tits aren't quite as effective an enticement when they know for a fact that they can't touch.
Randomize
