I mean I can't believe yesterday ended w/ your house getting firebombed. What an unexpected turn of events
I didnt expect it either. But she was there and I had a boner, so i made it happen.
I have a pussy blister if you wanna poke at it with a needle tomorrow...by this text i realize just how strange our relationship is, especially because you're probably excited
I think you mean your blister is filled with pus...atleast i hope
This is one of those times where I really wish my vagina could tell me what happened last night.
At 4am he sent "uree asss ize anmazin"
We found you on the floor drooling you kept saying over and over how you were double jointed.
Still had my bottle opener ring on. Started to give him a hand job. LOL
Just remember my house smells of thick cut bacon and I have a big dick.
I'm drinking and making muffins and I believe this is why God put us on earth.
All I have in my new place is coke and a treadmill.. it's workout Wednesday
I think we ended 5-7 relationships as well this weekend...so another good stat
YOURE A FUCKING ADULT. DONT TELL ME ITS PAST YOUR BEDTIME WHEN I WANT TO GET ANOTHER COCKTAIL.
last night I mixed vodka in with my protein shake... and you tell me my new years resolution was impossible
Let’s not dwell on the negatives. I have a fat ass and suck dick well.
I came twice AND he sent me home with edibles. I think he’s a keeper.
Randomize
